1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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