check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
