Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
MIDGETS
????
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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