I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
