Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
