he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
