She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
