you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
