please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
