New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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