I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
