Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
