wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
where are my eyebrows?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
