even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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