I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
In America we eat man semen.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
