Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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