I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
