I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
