My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We left the knife in your bed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
