I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
