I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
