The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want nice things and good sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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