I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
