Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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