Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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