Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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