I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
