i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
