Yo dont text me then not text me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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