guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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