its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
