There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
