Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
