then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
