I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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