Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
