i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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