he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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