my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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