need another drink. this is the easiest way
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
