I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
