some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
