the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
