He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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