Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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