i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
