i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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