I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
