Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He passed out mid-signature
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
