I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
