i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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