Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
