Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
