so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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