could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
