Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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