How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
