she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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